


What is Unspoken, What is Unsaid

by DamsInDistress



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Accident, Amnesia, Angst, Implied Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6021363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DamsInDistress/pseuds/DamsInDistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weight of what we do is measured in its consiquences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Unspoken, What is Unsaid

Daniel was about to settle in next to Jean-Eric on the sofa when they heard someone banging on their door. They share a look of confusion, wondering who it was, before Daniel goes to open the door. Daniel was more than surprised to see Max with tears in his eyes and staining his cheeks standing outside their door. Daniel quickly ushers the younger man in and guides him to take a seat. "Get some water." Daniel says to Jean-Eric who nods before he disappears to the kitchen. Daniel sits next to Max on the sofa and tries to calm him down. "Max. You need to breath. Tell me what happened." Daniel asks Max who looks up to him with such a lost expression on his face. "I fucked up. It's my fault. I messed up, Dan." Max says in between gulps of breath. Jean-Eric joins them and places the glass of water in front of Max but he doesn't seem to notice it. "What do you mean? What happened?" Daniel asks once again to Max. "It's over. Me and Carlos. We're done because I fucked up and it's all my fault that the best thing in my life is gone." Max says in one breath before his voice breaks and he bursts into tears.

_"How could you do this to me Max?" Carlos roars at the younger man. "I'm sorry! I was drunk!" Max says to defend himself. Carlos looks at him with a face between bewildered and outraged. "So that's it? You get drunk and find some random girl and fuck her and completely forget that you're not only in a fake relationship with Mikaela but that you have an actual relationship with me? Is that it Max, is that the best you can do?" Carlos asks him mockingly. "If I could take it back then I would!" Max tries to reason with him. "But you can't! What's done is done and I don't even know how to look at you right now!" Carlos says, the look of disgust clear in his eyes. "Please believe me." Max says pleadingly. "Please believe me when I say I'm sorry. That I love you, more than anything and that if I could erase everything that happened then I would but all I can do is apologize. Please Carlos, you're the best thing in my life. I love you so much." Max says, tears now streaming down his face. Carlos turns his back to Max, taking deep breaths to will himself not to cry. "Well too bad you can't. I'll make this easier." Carlos says before he reaches for the chain around his neck and takes it off. "From now on you don't have to worry about hurting me anymore. I'm just your teammate now and you can do whatever the fuck you want Max." Carlos says as he drops the chain on the table and heads to the door. "I'll see you at the factory. Have a nice life Verstappen." Carlos says before he heads out and slams the door, leaving Max alone in the silence of his apartment to the sound of his sobbing._

Max tells Daniel and Jean-Eric what happened. He watches the two older men's face and looks for any signs of disgust or anger but all he got were looks of pity. "You can stay here for the night. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be alone." Jean-Eric offers to him before he stands up to fix the guest room for him. Daniel turns to him with a sad smile and rubs circles on his back. "Just try to calm down, rest. No use working yourself up even more, mate." Daniel offers to him. "I just want him back Dan. I love him, so much." Max says. "And Carlos wouldn't be this hurt if he didn't love you too. But right now you both need space from each other to cool your heads." Daniel says to him. Jean-Eric walks back to them and offers them a small smile. "All fixed up. I think Dan has some clothes that can fit you." Daniel nods before he goes to their bedroom to find said clothes. Jean-Eric then leads Max to his room for the night. "Bathroom is over there." The Frenchman points towards the right side of the room before Daniel reappears holding out a set of shorts and a t-shirt for Max. "If you need anything don't hesitate to knock on our door." Daniel adds as he hands the clothes to Max. "Try to get some sleep, Max. Goodnight." Jean-Eric says before he closes the door. Max sighs a deep sigh before he throws himself on the bed. He reaches for the chain around his own neck and takes it off. He runs his fingers against the tags hanging from the chain. One has his name engraved on it while the other had Carlos' name. He reaches for his pocket for Carlos' discarded set and clutches the two of them in his hand. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." Max repeats again and again until he falls asleep that night, the set of chains still clutched in his hand, wishing nothing more than everything that happened was just some horrible nightmare that they can all forget.

Max doesn't know what time it was but he was being shaken awake by someone. It took him a while to realize that it was Daniel who was shaking him awake, the look of panic painted on his face. "Max. Max you need to wake up. Something happened last night." Max tries to shake the sleep away to focus on what Daniel was saying. "Max. Something happened to Carlos." The moment those words were said by Daniel, Max could feel his heart stop and his blood run cold. "To Carlos? Dan, what happened?" Max asks in panic. "He got into an accident. He's in hospital in Switzerland. He was making his way to Dany, he was the one who called, we need to get there as fast as we can." Daniel says as he holds out a hoodie for Max. Jean-Eric was already waiting for them by the door with a small suitcase by his side and the car keys in his hand. "Dany just called, Carlos just went into surgery." Jean-Eric informs the both of them as they head towards the car. They buckle up as Jean-Eric starts the car and drive off. Max was sat at the back, not really knowing what to do with himself. He thought that his heart couldn't have been anymore broken but right now he was wondering how it hasn't stop yet. Carlos was in accident. He's in surgery. It doesn't sound good. Max has never felt true fear in his life as he counts down the hours and minutes that he could see Carlos again.

When they eventually arrive at the hospital in Switzerland, Max sees the small huddle that was Carlos' family in one corner, his father pacing back forth while his mother and sister were huddled saying prayers for Carlos. Dany walks towards Daniel and Jean-Eric, updating them on what has happened. Max was acutely aware that Dany was ignoring him, knowing that Dany and Carlos go way back and how the two of them are practically brothers. He could feel the Russian glaring at him whenever his eyes landed on Max and it made him want for the ground to just swallow him up. Max wanders over to another corner where he recognizes two figures slumped against each other. Pierre Gasly was sat next to Alex Lynn, the Frenchman resting his head on the Britt's shoulders. They've also lived with Carlos at one point in their Red Bull junior life. Despite being a Williams test driver, Alex still popped around Red Bull every now and then to say hi to the guys. Pierre's eyes were noticeably red and he was sniffling as Alex rubs his shoulders to comfort him. Pierre was someone who was easy to get along with. They were quick friends and the Frenchman would always offer him a smile whenever they would see each other. Max looks at all of them waiting for Carlos to be okay and Max has never felt so out of place in his life. He blames himself why they're all here, why Carlos got into an accident. He wouldn't blame any of them if they hated his guts.

Hours stretched into what felt like forever before the doctor walks towards them and informs them about Carlos. "We've managed to realign the broken bones, especially his ribs, they just need to heal properly now, anything else is just superficial and will heal in weeks. But we need to wait for him to wake up to know if he's got any form of mental trauma but right now he is physically okay. You'll be able to visit him within an hour's time." The doctor announces to them before he disappears back behind the door and minutes later they see Carlos wheeled out of the operating room to be placed into recovery. Max feels his heart and jaw drop when he sees Carlos unconscious as he's wheeled out. He's never seen the Spaniard so pale and with so many cuts on his arm and a few on his face. Max wanted to follow Carlos as he's wheeled away but he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks back to see that it was Daniel holding him back. "Come on. I'm dying for coffee and you look like you need fresh air." Daniel whispers to him as the Aussie leads him away from the little group.

Max was fiddling with the rim of the paper cup of his half-drunk coffee as he stands next to Daniel who was staring out into nothing. Max sees out of the corner of his eye Daniel reaching for something in his pocket, it was a small silver tin and he taps it a few times until Max sees something thin and white pop out, a cigarette. "I know I shouldn't but I'd just be on edge the whole day. Just a few puffs." Daniel says before he places the cigarette between his lips with shaky fingers before he lights it up. He takes a long drag before he puffs out the smoke, his hands trembling a little less now. "You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. No one knew that this would happen, no one deserves this and you don't deserve the blame that your putting on yourself." Daniel says before he takes another drag. Max stays silent, watching the wind carry the smoke that Daniel puffs out. They hear footsteps approaching them and Max turns his head the slightest to see Jean-Eric walking towards them. The Frenchman makes a 'tsk' sound before he plucks the cigarette out of Daniel's fingers and takes a drag himself. The two older men pass the cigarette between them before Daniel dumps it into his now cold coffee before he wraps his arms behind Jean-Eric. "We can go see him now. His family is with him right now and he's still unconscious." The Frenchman says. Max looks to him blankly, he hasn't said a single word since they got here, he doesn't really know what so say apart from 'I'm sorry' to everyone so he just stays silent. "Come one, I'm starting to freeze out here." Daniel says to them as they walk back inside to join the other as they stand vigil, waiting for Carlos to wake up.

When they got back inside, they see Pierre and Alex leave Carlos' room before the two of them give them a sad smile. "You can go in." Jean-Eric tells Max as he hesitates to take a step forward. Max reaches for the door with shay hands before he steps inside and hears the door click close. Max watches from where he's stood, Carlos still pale, hooked up, to different beeping machines and still asleep. Max was afraid to move closer, he was so scared that if he gets any closer to Carlos that he'll break him even more than he already has. But Max wanted nothing more than to be beside him, to hold his hand and to feel his heart still beating, letting him know that Carlos was still here, still with him. Max takes shaky steps towards the chair beside Carlos' bedside and takes a seat. He stares at the Spaniard for a little longer before he reaches for his hand. Max almost recoils when he feels how cold Carlos' fingers were, a stark contrast to the warmth that he always seem to exude whenever they're together. Max slowly brings up Carlos' hand to his face before he gives it a kiss and places it against his cheek. "I'm so sorry, my love. I don't even know where to begin saying sorry for. But I love you. I love you so much and I'll do anything, anything, for you to forgive me." Max says as years begin to fall from his eyes. He rests his head against the bed, the Spaniard's hand still against his cheek, as he feels his exhaustion take over his body.

Max doesn't know if he's dreaming but he feels something twitch against his cheek. Max hears what sounds like a groan followed by a cough and that makes his head snap up from where it was resting as he watches Carlos stir. Max was in shock, he was torn between getting help or staying with Carlos but Carlos begins to cough some more and Max rushes outside to alert the others. "He's awake! Carlos is awake!" Max says to all of them and he sees Carlos' family rush inside the room as someone yells for a doctor. The rest of them huddle outside the room as they wait for the nurses and doctors to arrive. The doctors rush and and quickly hover over Carlos to check on him. "We're going to ask him a few question now." The doctor says. "Can you tell us your name?" He asks to Carlos. "Carlos Sainz Vázquez de Castro." Carlos says almost automatically. "When is your birthday?" The doctor asks. "September 1, 1994." Carlos once again gives a correct answer. "How old are you?" The doctor asks. "20 years old." Carlos says. Max feels his breath hitch, it was wrong, Carlos was 21. "What month and year do you think it is?" The doctor asks. "June 2015." Carlos answers and everyone's face drop in an instant.

Retrograde amnesia, that was what the doctors said. They said that Carlos will eventually regain his memories back, they just don't know when. His cuts and bruises will heal in weeks, his broken bones in months but Max knows that he will never be completely healed until he remembers everything. Max finds himself between a rock and a hard place. He wants nothing more but for Carlos to get better, for him to be fully healed and complete but at the same time he finds himself thinking about how Carlos can't remember what he's done, how he's betrayed him. Max thinks of this as his punishment. Carlos remembers him as the love of his life, grateful that he has Max in his life caring for him and loving him, not remembering how he betrayed his trust and his love with one stupid mistake. But the weight of guilt in Max's heart of knowing the whole truth weights heavy within his chest. He will carry that guilt with him until Carlos remembers what he's done and a part of Max will be thankful when that time comes because then he'll know that Carlos is finally complete once again. Max slips his and Carlos' chain around his neck, the weight of the four tags on his neck meaning the weight of how he has to care for Carlos even more now. He'll give the chain back to Carlos when he remembers and it would be up to him if he can find it in his heart to forgive Max or to forsake him for good. He looks over to the other side of the garage, he watches Pierre slip into the other Toro Rosso as they prepare for the race. He has to race on, not just for him but also for Carlos.


End file.
